Kenapa aku rasa pelik ni?

Rasa macam lepas kena lempang, telinga bunyi berdengung. Tapi aku sedar bunyi tu bukan realiti pun, tapi disebabkan otak aku dah tersenget ke kiri sikit, selepas kena lempang tadi, dan otak tu menghimpit koklea dalam telinga aku, menyebabkan aku terkhayalkan bunyi-bunyi tu. Aku rasa macam tipsy sikit.

Lepas tu, oleh sebab kedudukan otak tadi dah tak betul, cecair dalam tengkorak jadi tak seimbang. Mulalah hidung rasa pressured, rasa macam nak meletup-letup seperti letupan bunga-bunga api yang gilang-gemilang semasa pertunjukan malam merdeka.

Of course, semua di atas adalah direka-reka. Aku sebenarnya kena buat kerja lain, tapi aku nak buat satu lagi kerja lain yang lebih enjoy. Tapi, sebagai lelaki sejati, aku kena selesaikan juga. Sebab, FYI, dunia bukanlah senantiasa indah belaka.

Berapa hari lepas, aku cuba nak beli seluar. Diulangi: cuba. Aku tak suka beli seluar. Itu membuatkan aku sedar bahawa aku gemuk. Well, not really that fat, at least bukan berat badan optimum.

Masa zaman universiti dulu, berat aku dalam 64kg. Kemudian, selepas tamat je buat praktikal latihan industri, berat aku naik mendadak jadi 74kg. Impressive, 10kg in about 5 months! Dan selepas tu kenaikan nampaknya cukup memberansangkan sehinggalah dari seorang yang slim, aku menjadi seorang yang kurang slim (masih hensem nonetheless :).

Tapi sejak kira-kira 3 bulan ni, berat badan aku dah kurang dalam 4kg. Kadang-kadang aku jogging. Selang beberapa minggu aku main futsal dengan kawan-kawan ofis.

Aku kurangkan makan. Bila makan nasi aku ambil nasi sikit je, tapi lebihkan sayur atau lain-lain yang tak banyak carbohidrate. Seems to be working. Aku tak berlapar, setiap masa makan aku makan, tapi jumlahnya tak banyak macam dululah. Mula-mula memang rasa macam tak cukup, tapi lama-lama jadi biasa. Kalau rasa tak kenyang lepas makan, minum air, sure jadi kenyang.

Kalau dikira, aku loss 4 kg dalam 3 bulan. Berat asal 84kg. Maka jika rate ni linear, 62 bulan lagi atau approximately 5 tahun dari sekarang, berat badan aku akan jadi 0kg. Wow, tak sabar rasanya nak jadi weightless!

Tak perlu aku pergi kerja naik kenderaan lagi, aku boleh terbang je, atau yang lebih tepat terapung. Maybe aku kena start belajar meniup dari sekarang, mudahlah nanti aku nak mengemudi perjalanan. Fuuuhh ke kiri, fuuuuuh ke kanan.

Rata-rata cashier sudah mula membulatkan jumlah bayaran kepada 5 sen yang terhampir. Aku tersedar tadi bila aku ke bakery membeli roti berharga RM7.98. Aku bagi RM10.00, dan dipulangkan RM2.00.

Eh, cik adik, mana RM0.02 saya?! Oh.

Tiba-tiba terfikir, mungkinkah ada sebilangan insan di luar sana, yang akan mengira-ngira jumlah dihujung pembelian, dan dicukupkan kepada 1, 2, 6, atau 7 sen, supaya mereka dapat menyelamatkan 1 atau 2 sen. Kalau dibuat selalu, dalam setahun mungkin boleh untung dalam… err… RM5.00?

It is really hard to yell “THIS IS SPARTA!” without spraying your spit.

Strategically situated broken vehicle can cause traffic jam up to 3 kilometers long and waste more than half an hour of your precious time.

When an IT guy says “machine”, you should intuitively know that he is, most of the time, referring to a computer, a PC, a server, or even a laptop. We call them “machines” ‘coz it sounds so darn freakin’ cool and macho.

I believe that you can find happiness anywhere, if you know where to look for. Every cloud has silver lining, that sorts of things.

In a really sad situation, like maybe you just lost you pet hamster (Hamtaro), I’m sure you can find the bright side of it. At least you don’t have to clean his cage, or buy his food, etc. That extra money can be put into savings, invest in unit trust funds, which will grow and multiply, and eventually you might get that Ferrari you’ve been dreaming for. It might not necessarily be a Ferrari, I just couldn’t think of any other materialistic luxury right now.

Or let’s say your boyfriend/girlfriend just dumps you. Maybe he/she is just not meant for you. Maybe someone better will come into your life some time soon, and may even be your future spouse. You can’t tell the future right? So don’t be too sad.

Or maybe you just lost your job. You hated it anyway, but you’ve been doing it for 20 years and you don’t know how to do anything else. Your life has been miserable right from birth. Your mother hates you, your father ran away. You’re not so bright in class, been bullied by classmates. You’re weak and hopeless, you’re just like Nobita but without the Doraemon. Your car just got stolen few months back. You got know friends, people can’t stand your smell. You’re almost 40 and you’re single. You tried to cut your wrist a few times, but you’re afraid of blood.

Well.. err… SUCKS TO BE YOU!

Just kidding, don’t take that seriously. I’m sure there’s something to be happy about…